M’s Birthday Party!

Today was M’s 1st Birthday Party! And even though it went by fast, it went great! M did really well and only cried twice :) The decorations came out beautifully, the cake was great (a little too much frosting) and she got some great gifts! Yes, mommy does get a little control crazy but thankfully I have Marc, my mommy and sister that try to buffer my madness! (I thank them for their efforts). Also thankful that M has her daddy's demeanor and seems pretty laid back in any situation (any situation except sitting on Santa's lap, but that's another story). So, needless to say, M was a pretty cool cucumber and just sat back and watched for the most part. There were two incidents of tears which involved the birthday hat I crafted for her. She didn't hate the hat, in fact she loved looking at herself in the mirror wearing it, the incidents just happened to involve the hat. As for her gifts, she got a little bit of everything, but not as many books as I'd hoped for! Guess we know what to get her for Christmas!
Our sweet birthday angel! Well, without further ado, here are some pictures from her party! :)

31

It's been far too long since I last wrote. I think about it everyday but it seems like I run out of time to do that 'one more thing'. Yesterday was my and my twin sisters 31st birthday! I don't feel like I'm older, but this year I have an almost 1 year old daughter. For my birthday I took the day off of work. My main reason wasn't to celebrate my birthday but to finish planning her birthday party. I felt like I was just going all day. I had dropped her off at daycare like it was a normal work day but I was able to put up our Christmas tree and finish some errands for her party. Today at work we had cake to mark my birthday as they try to do for every employee there. They asked what I had done for my birthday and what my husband had gotten me. I told them I didn't really do anything and he hadn't gotten anything because I really didn't want or ask for anything. Most of them said "So!" One of the attorneys said if his wife tells him she doesn't want anything that it still means he better get her something. Well, not me. Give me a card and a nice thought and I'm happy. I don't need to get a gift to celebrate my life. As the saying goes, "Everyday is a gift that's why it's called The Present". Sure, many days I complain about my boring job and the long commute, but indeed I do have a job and it provides for me and my family, and my day off that I utilized for errands. I have a loving and supportive family and my husband and I have started a beautiful family of our own in our little girl and our pup. I was thinking the other day how I'm a little sad that our daughter will soon be 1. But then I realized I should be happy. Embrace the fact that our baby girl is a beautiful, healthy, growing baby girl and she has more to look forward too, more to learn, laugh and love in her life to come. Although it passes entirely too fast I have to accept it and not regret that she's grown from the tiny sleepy head she was to the talkative, smart and very loving little girl that she is. (It was still hard to write 'little girl' instead of 'baby girl', I erased it and rewrote it twice!). Sunday we'll celebrate her 1st birthday, about a week before her actual birthday, and I can't wait to see my little one's smiling face covered in frosting.

Debacle's and Dilemma's

The weeks seem to pass so quickly but while I am in the midst of them, so slow as well. Lately things have become a bit complicated with daycare for the little one. There were some disturbing rumors involving child safety and one of the teachers in the toddler 1 room, the room where M will be in about a month. Two of M’s little friends parents decided they didn't want to continue at the center and, as of yesterday, have moved to a different center. I feel like I'm in a dilemma...as we pay a steal of a price for daycare, but that these rumors have to deal with the safety of my baby girl I'd rather er on the side of caution and just have to pay a higher price elsewhere. So now I'm left with having to start the search for a new center, and my heart just aches because I'm not able to just say..."heck with it, I'll just stay home with her". No, unfortunately, with our bills the way they are at the present I am unable to do so. But just thinking about looking for a new center causes me anxiety. Do I look for a center that's closer to my job so that I can check in on her and the center every now and then. I am unable to do that with this center as it is closer to our home which is almost 1/2 hour from my job. Secondly, I don't want to stay at that job. I've been there 8 long years and yes, it is a good job but I'm not happy there. So then what would I do if I found work elsewhere?

On my way to work I always see people on their morning jog with their dogs or moms strolling their babies for a walk or jog and other moms walking their kids to school. I yearn desperately to be able to do those things. I want to be able to take my daughter to school without feeling like I have to drop her off early so that I can get to work on time. I want to be able to pick her up from school and get home and make dinner for my family, not rush home with a little time to feed her, bathe her and put her down for bed barely spending an hour as a family. I feel like my path has been stalled for so long at this job, but that I am stuck, my feet cemented to the road. How do I chisel out of here and start down a new road?

For now I must endure...

M just did the most adorable thing while I was writing this, I was watching her on the video monitor and she was supposed to be napping. Sitting in her crib, she grabs her stuffed lamb and gives it the most adorable, heart warming hug, and rocks back and forth with it. Makes all the complaining I do disappear... at least for a little bit.