Saturday, February 26, 2011

Shooting Star

Yesterday morning I took the dog out to do his business like I usually do and like usual I had my jacket on with my hood covering my wet hair from the morning shower slightly shivering in the cold morning air. I get up before the sun so I'm out there with my flashlight in order to make sure everything... comes out right... for the dog as all good dog mom's do. The dog looked at me with his usual "get that light out of my face so I can do this" and I shine the light elsewhere so that he could circle in peace to do his business. It was a quiet morning and I love to just hear the breeze blow through the trees. I looked up to see the beautiful still night sky and the stars that can be seen from my backyard. Although a lot of the stars are blotted out by the light from the city you can see a fair amount of the brightest stars and constelations depending on the time of year like the big dipper, Orion, Casiopea. This morning I was staring in the direction of the east and I saw it. A shooting star flashed ever so briefly. It looked like it jumped from one star to the nearest neighbor and disappeared. It was beautiful and exciting. I quickly made a wish, as is our custom. What a way to start the day, with a sign of good fortune. I look forward to a forward to it coming my way!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011


This past week we celebrated my husband's birthday. It seems whenever one of our birthday's comes up we never have any plans and it usually turns into a last minute thing. This year I had been asking him for a month what he would want to do to celebrate and he kept putting it off or saying "I don't know" and at one point he said "It's just another day". My brother had recently said the same thing about his birthday in January. That made me realize how often we neglect the chance to celebrate our own life and our own uniqueness. Certainly everyday we should take a chance to celebrate life's little blessings, big or small. However that doesn't occur as often as we'd like. We may be bogged down from the days work and are just glad to celebrate the end of a work day by sitting down and relaxing on the couch. That is why your birthday is not "just another day" but a day to celebrate you and how special you are to those who are important in your life. Whether or not you have a big birthday bash or a quiet family dinner, you have to take the chance to celebrate you! As I was thinking about writing my blog on my way to work this morning a song that I think evokes these same sentiments came onto the radio. Katy Perry's song Firework (click to see the video). Here are just a few of the lyrics:

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind

Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin

Like a house of cards

One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep

Six feet under scream

But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you

Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light

And let it shine

Just own the night

Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework

Come on show 'em what you're worth

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"

As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework

Come on let your colors burst

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"

You're gunna leave 'em all in awe awe awe 

The point is, we have to realize that no matter how our day goes or what other things we have going on, we have to take the time to celebrate the little things. But especially on our birthday we must celebrate our life by re-igniting our own spark and let it shine. It will definitely lead to a new adventure.
In the end, my husband decided to have a nice family dinner. So get out there and own the night and the day!

Sunday, February 13, 2011


Among the sadness of last month, Marc and I were lucky enough to be able to travel to Spain. It was like a renewal of sorts, a time for us to get away from the routine of our lives and get out of our comfort zone (or uncomfortable zone as I was feeling). It turned out to be a good way for us to enjoy each other as we were the only familiar things. An unfamiliar landscape among a mostly unfamiliar language. We walked along the beach in Marbella along the Costa del Sol...

We visited the ancient city of Ronda...

and we awed within the Cathedral and the views of the coast and the city of Malaga from Gibralfaro Castle.

Your perspective of lifes minor bumps changes somewhat among such beautiful views and inspiring history. Knowing that life continues around us with each breath we take and each brick that's laid. This trip was a blessing in disguise. I was able to renew myself and actually begin to feel like me again. I think it was for my husband as well because he smiled a lot which made me smile in return. 

Sometimes the best solution is to get away from the familiar to appreciate its significance, but also to see things that are larger than yourself to know that you are among greatness. That, and it made for a great adventure. 

Monday, February 7, 2011

Endure through hope

Today I return to the blogosphere after an extended hiatus. I must apologize for the delay as the new year didn't quite start the way I was hoping it would. As you know, I like to see life as an adventure, but sometimes that adventure can take us over some bumpy and sometimes bleak trails. My husband and I were about to embark on a great adventure, the adventure of parenthood.

I found out I was pregnant on December 1, 2010.
I found out I had miscarried on January 3, 2011.

The new year should always be full of hopes and prospects that you didn't get around to fulfilling, or that didn't come to fruition in the past year. It's somewhat harder when some of your hopes have been shattered. At least, that was how I felt for this past month... broken.

I have felt so sad, angry and unworthy, like something was wrong with me. My thoughts have constantly been trying to remember if there was something I had done wrong, eaten wrong, slept wrong. Why did this happen to me? Me!? So many women I know are pregnant right now, or just had their first child and here I am having just lost my first... IT'S NOT FAIR! No, it's not fair but sometimes that's how it goes. I can't blame myself, this happens to so many women and my doctor even told me that it happens so often, only many women don't even realize they are pregnant making it less emotionally painful. But I did know I was pregnant, something I had wanted for so long. There is a quote that goes something like "we can't ask in sorrow 'why did this happen to me?' unless we ask the same question for every moment of happiness that comes to us".

I am so blessed. My happiness comes from my family. I have the most amazing husband who took every chance to hold me and tell me that it was going to be ok and that everything happens for a reason. My loving mother, father, sister and brother who made sure I knew how much I am loved and that all was not lost. I can't imagine going through this without so much love surrounding me.

It feels like more than just a month since January 3 and it feels like I've lived and worn out every sad and angry emotion available to me. I'm still sad at times, I think I always will be. My life will never be the same after this detour through this rough, wintery road. But like my wise husband says... everything happens for a reason. I may not understand the reason, but whatever it may be, I will accept it without further explanation and continue on my adventure, carving a new path beyond the gray. We plan to try again soon and everyday I move a little further toward my goals with my heart full of hope. Hope guides us on our adventures and as long as it remains we endure.