The weeks seem to pass so quickly but while I am in the midst of them, so slow as well. Lately things have become a bit complicated with daycare for the little one. There were some disturbing rumors involving child safety and one of the teachers in the toddler 1 room, the room where Mila will be in about a month. Two of Mila's little friends parents decided they didn't want to continue at the center and, as of yesterday, have moved to a different center. I feel like I'm in a dilemma...as we pay a steal of a price for daycare, but that these rumors have to deal with the safety of my baby girl I'd rather er on the side of caution and just have to pay a higher price elsewhere. So now I'm left with having to start the search for a new center, and my heart just aches because I'm not able to just say..."heck with it, I'll just stay home with her". No, unfortunately, with our bills the way they are at the present I am unable to do so. But just thinking about looking for a new center causes me anxiety. Do I look for a center that's closer to my job so that I can check in on her and the center every now and then. I am unable to do that with this center as it is closer to our home which is almost 1/2 hour from my job. Secondly, I don't want to stay at that job. I've been there 8 long years and yes, it is a good job but I'm not happy there. So then what would I do if I found work elsewhere?
On my way to work I always see people on their morning jog with their dogs or moms strolling their babies for a walk or jog and other moms walking their kids to school. I yearn desperately to be able to do those things. I want to be able to take my daughter to school without feeling like I have to drop her off early so that I can get to work on time. I want to be able to pick her up from school and get home and make dinner for my family, not rush home with a little time to feed her, bathe her and put her down for bed barely spending an hour as a family. I feel like my path has been stalled for so long at this job, but that I am stuck, my feet cemented to the road. How do I chisel out of here and start down a new road?
For now I must endure...
Mila just did the most adorable thing while I was writing this, I was watching her on the video monitor and she was supposed to be napping. Sitting in her crib, she grabs her stuffed lamb and gives it the most adorable, heart warming hug, and rocks back and forth with it. Makes all the complaining I do disappear... at least for a little bit.